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dreams

I went back to ny, with no plan, wandered around maybe queens and ended up in an insane mansion with a ton of people everywhere, they all seem to be working there but are dressed in casual clothes
I’m inside wandering around when i see a bunch of people scrambling, photographers lining the halls, to make way for this very tall very thin woman in a silk designer dress suit and stillettos coming through the front door, the mansion owner’s italian model wife – i book it up a staircase to get out of the way of the photographers, i run upstairs but don’t want it to seem like i’m doing something wrong so i run carefully, when another group of people starts scrambling and a door upstairs opens to let a scowling young woman through, the workers seem to be frantic and i try to run away but realize she will definitely see me, so i play it cool and she sees me immediately, calls me over. I say hello and she looks at me sharply, asks me if i’m new, i smile and shrug and say yes i guess so, and laugh but she frowns, asks me where i’m from, when i say miami she starts cursing me out, calling me trash and grabbing my arm to scratch it, calling me skinny a bunch of times in between other insults, even though she was skinny too. She seems satisfied with our interaction and so she leaves, and i stand there in shock, i go downstairs and outside, everyone’s getting ready for a party, i talk to some people about the scowling woman, everyone hates her. Suddenly a black car pulls up and a little boy in a tuxedo gets out of the drivers seat and hands me a plastic bag full of weed, says “these are the nugs,” nods and drives away. I stuff the bag in my pocket, thinking he had the wrong person and i just got free weed. I find diarmid and chris, tell them about the scowling woman, and that people seem to think i work here. They say i should just go with it because people who work here get to live here for free, but it seems crazy. The patio is full of people dressed in cocktail attire, it’s an event and the entertainment is coming on. Suddenly at least 30 people are singing off key and dancing horribly to a back track, and all the cocktail people laugh at them, the singers jump offstage to dance in the crowd, and the event devolves to total chaos. I make my way outside the crowd and find chris in his car, i get in when several men come up to the car asking chris for the nugs. Chris doesn’t know what’s going on so he scrambles to find his own weed and pulls out a bag of nugs that is half the size of the one i had in my pocket, he tries to give it to them but i realize that this is what the little boy meant for me to do and chris could get in trouble if they think he stole some so i reach into my pocket and say, “no no, he means THESE nugs,” and hand them the weed, and take  chris’s smaller bag back, and joke “yeah sorry we smoked half of it on the way.” They laugh and one guy nods at me as he takes the bag. I realize it’s the mansion owner and the little boy in the tux was his son. I realize this means they definitely think I work there now, so i can live there for free. The mansion belongs to a drug dealer who poses as an artist, his gallery is next to the mansion and called “c’ lo,” a nickname for Carlo. His art is horrible.

dreams

Carley chopped her sister into pieces at my uncle’s house. I helped her hide the body. My uncle changed the basement, we made fancy waffles. Carley’s mom came to my uncle’s looking for her. Catley and i saw her car in his yard. We snuck in. There was a fake note from carley’s dead sister saying she had run away. Carley’s mom was upset and expected answers from all of us. My uncle and i acted nonchalant like it wasn’t our problem; we ate food. I heated shrimp in the microwave. Carley’s mom turned to my mom. I said you must have not been here in a long time. Because he had renovated his basement. The door led straight to the beach. My mom said it was too dangerous, a bad neighborhood. There was also a dumb girl there who knew about the murder and mentioned something about a cookbook. We all froze. I was coming to terms with the fact that i was an accomplice, wondered how the fuck i was going to get myself out of it. I walked outside crossed the street. Heard sirens coming my way and braced myself. They weren’t for me. I decided i would pretend like i had no idea carley murdered her sister.

dreams

First d and i were packing our stuff and moving back to ny
Then on the flight it became nathan and i
Then we get to brooklyn and in a loft that is beautiful, sunny, huge
I am celebrating with fam but nathan says someone else might take my place
Im confused because i signed the lease
My family wonders why im confused and i rant to them and say what about my stuff? Where is my stuff shipping to?
Then im back at the loft but it’s with D
And pablo is the third roommate
And there are 8 other people living in the loft, which i start to complain about but then say, i guess that’s what has to happen if you want to live in new york
Then I thought, wait, i dont want to live in new york! I want to live by the trail!
I lament and tell D i loved the trail so much, it was everything i could have ever wanted…
Then D says something about having a fiancee?? Im like who is your fiancee? He said defensively, “i dunno. ”
Then im with my family in a new york-miami hybrid. Im moving to miami and new york at the same time and telling my dad about my miami adventures, he pulls me off to the side of the room before i can say hi to everyone, my grandma is there and talking to the girls. I tell my dad everything that happened but then i realize i still havent solved anything and i dont want to live here either, i wanted the trail. I was supposed to be moving to “my uncles'“ but it was on south beach 

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Almost crying tears of joy in coffee shop in nyc. Visiting nathan phone dies i say fuck but remember my charger, too good to be true, i’m way overhyped at the coffee shop, because it feels so familiar to me, like i’m back home. Im weirding everyone out with my eccentricity and enthusiasm. So much relief.

dreams

Streets are full of water. I realize that i’m totally insane. A shop opens up next door to where D used to live. Several people run different sections of the shop, and i find a book on the ground that describes each section and person. The book has the number 30 and the people are looking for someone who wants to use the shop in the daytime. I want to meet them because the shop is next to d’s place and i would be seeing them all the time. Then i remember that d doesnt live there anymore and i get sad. I picture myself sobbing on the floor. Then i venture out into the streets filled with water. It is ocean water and completely covers all the cars and people, but everyone is still going about their day as normal. I am swimming down the street and staying next to a wall to stand on and take breaks. I see a family of tourists who are enjoying their stay even with the water. There is a little girl with freakishly broad shoulders. She is very happy swimming around through the streets. There are streets that are not flooded but have small pools of very deep water that reaches underground, the subway cages, and the girl dives into each one and comes back up again, like a little dolphin. I am heading towards some kind of institutional gymnasium because it’s the first day of school. I have to swim many blocks and i get a call from my grandfather, but the connection is awful and i can’t hear anything he says, which he doesnt realize. I hear a very faint ‘well we’re glad to hear from you,’ and i try to respond but then my phone dies. I get to the gymnasium and theres a girl complaining to her friend about her professor making her do yoga, and also turn in her assignments on paper through her mailbox, which is in a highly inconvenient location for her. She is complaining very loudly and i need to get away from her so i leave, start swimming back home. I think about the shop and crave a latte..which appears in my hand and i start swimming with one hand holding the latte, and taking breaks against the wall. The water seems to have gotten higher and i am sitting on the wall at the corner of a busy intersection. Suddenly i see a giant figure down the street in the direction i was headed. At first i thought it was a tidal wave, but it was not the color of water, and it was moving closer, taking up the width of the entire street. I realize they are some kind of metal crates supplied by the government to help take care of the water. The crates are stacked higher than buildings and take up the width of the entire street, and moving closer. I get freaked out because it doesnt look like there’s any room for me in between the crates and the wall, so i start swimming in the other direction across the intersection, but then i realize i don’t know if i have time to cross the intersection before the light turns green, and the cars cant see me because they are under water. I am caught in the middle of the intersection and i wake up.
I am going to work and find what looks like the PCB of the guitar pedal that my boss is working on, on the floor, so i pick it up and show it to him but he says it’s someone else’s and it’s MIDI.

dreams

Brutally slain by sword
I had a sword too but didnt believe they would actually murder me. I was innocent. A woman, i came back to the place where i was staying, with some public figure, when the public figure came down the hall and told me we were robbed, with a look of helpless disbelief, that he didnt know what to tell me, that i shouldnt stay here. I had my things in the room that got robbed so i wanted to stay, and didnt believe it was as bas as he was acting. Then at some point the original robbers showed up, with swords. I was not scared because i generally think people are full of shit. They told us to stay in a certain room and had a few other women there. They kept us obedient by ordering us around and poking us with their swords if we stepped out of line.  One of the men had been jokey and flirty with me and layed down next to me to make small talk. Hours passed and i had devised a plan to get my stuff back from the other room. I think i was concerned about some drugs i had hidden in a statue in the room. I also had a sword for some reason but didnt really think it was necessary to try to attack anyone. They seemed like they just wanted to finish robbing the place and get out without any violence. The one who was flirting with me asked me if i wanted to see the room in the back, because it had a lot of bloodshed. I guess they had killed the people who were in the room when they first broke in. I said no but they ganged up on me and poked me with their swords to get up and follow them. I kept saying ‘please stop, please stop, please stop,’ over and over again. I had walked to the room and it was covered in blood, and i was still saying 'please stop,“ because they were poking me with the swords. But they were actually stabbing me and i felt a blow to the head. I was on the ground with my eyes open dying but i didn’t feel anything, any pain, i just kept asking them to stop and they left one by one as they finished their job. Except for the last one who had hit me hard in the back of the head. I never lost consciousness but i felt my life energy escaping from my body and then i woke up. i never quite realized what was happening so i wasnt in terror or pain, the whole slaying felt like a minor annoyance but there must have been so much blood.

dreams

Almost got run over by an FBI tractor on the beach. Had crystals stormy day beach deserted i hid and they kept coming closer, looking for me. I see marian and 2 girls on the street in an old fashioned village. Marian looks like my grandma and i say hello. I want to tell her something about la monte but they are all in a hurry. Got a job at a restaurant that zack works at and it’s by the beach. I try to take pictures of a beautiful sunset but everyone is in the way 

dreams

I murdered a bunch of people with a couple friends and hid the bodies in huge bags of ice that were clearly labeled ‘Body Bags.’ And I left them in normal trash cans at my dad’s house on the patio. But from inside the house I realized I left one of the bags with the label in plain sight and I felt really stupid but my dad had just gotten home so I couldn’t go outside to move it.He got home and while walking across the patio he could see the label 'Body Bag’ peeking out of the trash can and got a strange look on his face as he was trying to justify the situation since his brain wouldn’t let him think I could do something like that. He assumed it was not real and a part of some kind of messed up youth trend. So I kept trying to find opportunities to hide my situation but I had also killed a bunch of other people so I had to make up excuses for strange things around the house and it was getting impossible to protect my cover.

dreams

Dystopian future school situation. i was with my mom wanted to show her carley’s grave. i dug up several, i dug up josie’s grave and saw her self-inflicted gunshot wound, remember her telling me her ‘project wasn’t pretty.’ i dig up my own grave, my mom likes it and i say 'it’s ok’ but i really wanted to see carley’s because she buried herself with a lot of fabrics and things to tell a story for her 'project.’ it was sort of an art project for school and mom and i looked for her grave together opening random ones and i opened a wooden plank that ran along a wall.

So i opened the panel to a dark back hallway of a building i could hear some people walking towards me and i told my mom i know what this is, this is the back where 'X’ works on the projects. and it was a person at the 'school’ who was really good at making graves and other things, and got a job there because of his talent. and i crept into the wall pretending like i was supposed to be there and heard his voice and footsteps. so i headed away from him and recognized that i was walking through several projects that he did, and found carley’s amongst several that were part of a generation that made very nice projects and many ended up with jobs there. so i got out of the wall and tried to find him to get advice or get taught how to improve my skills. and his shop was next to a witch’s shop.

My 6 yr old half sister was in the shop owned by an evil witch who uses her to attract customers but once she turned 5 or so the witch treated her even worse neglecting her water and food and not allowing her to interact with customers anymore not caring about her temperature and its because after a certain age she hates children, thinks she’s a 'whore’ at 5 for putting on chapstick. and i visited the shop to see her but the witch wouldn’t even give me a sample reading anymore and repeated the same words as the last time i went there and hardly let my sister even look at me. and she looked so sad and thirsty and i left the shop to go next door and i was so mad and they asked me why and i said you know that shop next door, well they’re abusing that little girl and it gets worse and worse every day. and i may be afraid of some things which is why i bought a 'reading?’ Or It was some kind of protection amulet for the items buried with me for my 'project,’ for my grave. 'But its really not right…’ And i was typing this out to make some kind of announcement to try to boycott the store and help the girl because everyone knew about it

dreams

“Everyone thinks you’re a teachers pet”
Josie’s hologram art project. In my dad’s apartment kitchen. Waiting for someone. Moving. Mom’s room. Dog changes colors with me in the jacuzzi. Dog doesnt move with us and is my friend and neighbor. I want to text her to tell her to visit me all the time because im only moving a couple blocks away. I start going to my new place. The neighborhood looks more and more like south beach and i am euphoric. I feel like im at home. I get so happy and when i get to the building, many young people are there moving in. I look for my room. All the rooms are nice. My dream place, by the beach. I cant find my room number. I ask 2 young people who have constructed the rooms with their own hands. They exchange glances and the girl goes to her desk for her computer. The girl tells the guy she found all her rings and shows him 5 rings. They look like rings from my teenagehood. The guy shrieks with nostalgia and it reminds me of my relationship with max. I want to tell them but it doesn’t matter. The girl scans her computer looking for my room. I know something’s up. Im not surprised at the growing disappointment. I tell her “oh is the room not ready or something?” She agrees with relief that i seem to understand. I want to be agreeable but i also just want it to work out. She says i can take the downstairs room, but it’s obv the common area. I tell her i don’t want to take that away from everyone, plus people will be walking downstairs and in and out all the time. She tries to deny it but half assed and it falls flat. She seems like she doesn’t want to finish my room A voice tells me there is a natural affinity between me and my mom

dreams

we were on a huge road trip with agustin & his college friends, nathan & his college friends and we were staying at a hotel and u and i went to this multilevel parking lot climbing walls and looking for random places to sit and stuff, we hopped a wall thinking that it would be a private hangout area but there were all these degenerates hanging out, very bad people, and we talked to them but they like drugged us and kidnapped us, and there was one other girl our age, idk what happened but we were gone for a couple of days and our friends thought we were just roaming around the city, but we were trying to escape and it was very scary, at one point us 3 girls were in the back of their pickup truck and you and i were awake enough to jump out, it was in the middle of the city and there were people everywhere but no one would have ever guessed what was happening, but then the third girl was too fucked up to jump and we saw her looking at us from the back and her eyes were blacked out, and she was smiling and she picked up a container of gasoline and started drinking it as the truck drove away.
so then we’re like freaking out trying to get back to the hotel and find our friends, and when we get there everyone is like distracted and having a good time and we are kind of too traumatized to even tell them what happened, we just kind of kept to ourselves for like a day while the friends went about exploring, and then at the end of the day i realized you were gone, and i went around looking for you, revisiting the parking lot and having flashbacks and panic attacks bc i thought the people would be there again, and i thought maybe you had gone back for some reason, but i couldn’t find you and the parking lot was filled with more bad people, i was trying to lay low as possible to not be seen and i saw this innocent family who was just exploring, but the mom who was very young knew it was trouble so i told her that this was a bad place and she should leave. she agreed and we sort of left together but separately to lay low, and then this one guy saw me as i headed back to the stairwell, i knew he was really bad and he was making small talk while i ignored him and then got close to me trying to intimidate me and said “do you want to have sex?” and i looked him in the eye and said “no. fuck you!” and he wasn’t expecting that at all, he expected me to be scared bc somehow he knew i had been weakened by something, and so he let me go and i hid under the stairwell to wait for the other girl, but he did the same thing to the other girl and she was so scared that she said yes (he was really scary) and i heard him fucking her and he was hurting her and being mean.
then i guess it dawned on me that you had left to go find that girl that was with us who didn’t escape, and i started freaking out bc i didn’t know what to do so i went back to the hotel and told agustin that you had been missing for 3 days and he understood but not completely bc we never told him ab what happened, so i took him to the parking lot and he was having fun but then got really scared and i was trying to explain that some people here probably knew where you were. but we didn’t know what to do so i called your mom a bunch of times but she was like ignoring my calls, then she answered and said “hello zoe, i’m about to have a meeting for my business right now, can i call you back?” and i said “carley’s been missing for 3 days” and she said “no that’s not true, i just got this package from her this morning” and i said well when is the packaged dated from? and then she paused and i was about to tell her what happened but i woke up